The female orgasm has for a long time been a fascination for the media. On TV we’ve seen everything, from the stuck-up housewife who has never reached climax to the Samantha Jones types whose toes curl every time they have sex. So, how to get to that magical place, where every time you have sex, an orgasm is inevitable? Two experts weigh in.
Masturbation isn’t just a fun past time, it’s how we get to know our bodies and discover what feels good for us. According to Fran Walfish Psy.D., an expert taking part in the upcoming TV series Sex Box, on WE TV, women who masturbate regularly know the right tempo, the appropriate pressure and speed, and every other aspect of touch they need in order to orgasm. Going at it solo means you learn how to stimulate yourself and it comes in handy when a partner joins in on the fun. Since you know what it is that makes you tick, your partner can only enhance it, according to Jane Greer, PhD, author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.
Most women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm according to Walfish. Reaching an orgasm solely through stimulation to the G-spot via penetration is the case with a very small number of women. For most other, the clitoris is the gateway to climax. So have your partner stimulate it via hand-play, their body, fun toys and enjoy the major pleasure payoff.
FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY
Foreplay is the key according to Greer. It’s a great way to build up arousal and excitement and it helps you reach an orgasm later. The length of foreplay is different for everyone, going from as little as 5 to as long as 20. But again, this depends on the person and the partner. Greer advises to aim for 5 to 20 minutes before going in for the next phase.
The best way to build up excitement is slow and steady. Soft kisses, nipple play, touching the breasts and thighs, anything that builds up sexual tension and relaxes you enough to reach climax.
Walfish advises to speak up about what feels good and what doesn’t. Telling your partner when to go on, when to stop and how to do something better is all vital. If you hesitate to keep in mind this is helpful for both of you. Sharing what makes you tick and feels good helps your partner know what to do, which in turn relaxes them and lets them focus on the pleasure. Some phrases to use if you’re feeling awkward are “I love it when you do that” or “That really turns me on” advices Greer. And you can always look up tips for dirty talk.
The best way to up your chances of having an orgasm ever time is to relax and let go of expectations. Worrying about reaching climax, according to Greer, disrupts your flow and prevents you from enjoying yourself. The best thing to do is be comfortable and not worry about it. You can try different techniques for relaxing and reducing stress. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be for you to reach an orgasm every time.